Ain’t Found a Way to Kill Me Yet

Update 18 4-10 Oct- 2021

Take two…

This post is going to take a turn from the other ones. I had this half way written when my desktop computer decided to die. RIP computer. (Though I think it is just the graphics card that overheated).

This week was a horrible bust. A lot went wrong and I still going wrong. These posts are normally all about my writing and a little about my media consumption. I try to be encouraging and honest, and maybe a little entertaining.

Well, since this is the second time writing this I will try and be brief and run through the week.

Lazy, then ER, now Broken Computer

I began the week with putting off my writing to do some painting work. Nothing special. And then on Tuesday I was mad at myself for missing to prime writing days. And then a medical problem I’d been ignoring for several years struck me hard.

I’m not going to give details, suffice I worried my co-workers, blew off their concerns and drove myself home. But enough worry stayed with me to call my doctor… who promptly yelled at me to go to the ER, which led to me being admitted overnight.

I spent a night in a very uncomfortable ed, getting now sleep and getting poked and prodded by nurses at all hours. And besides being mad at myself for putting off this issue… and not really bringing it up with my doctor at all… I was also really upset that I hadn’t taken the time to get some writing in on Sunday and Monday. The two main days of the week that I get the bulk of my writing done.

I was pissed that I had been lazy. Pissed that I wasn’t taking care of myself. And pissed that I was fairly passive with my writing.

Sure I write these posts every week, and sure I get in several thousand words every week. But I’m not aggressively looking for an agent. I’m not working on shorts and trying to sell them. I’m not looking for other writing work. I just spent 4 years in college and earned two degrees and I’m not using either of them. Not using all of the tools they gave me. All of the connections I could be.

I’m mad.

Let’s Lower the Pressure.

Deep breath in.

I really don’t need to be worked up, nor do I need to measure myself to my peers and friends. I mean one of my professors was the great Gabino Iglesias… the man has multiple books working at once, reviews, articles, shorts, classes, promo, blogs, etc. He sleeps and he writes, and somehow gets time in the gym. He’s a god. And I CAN NOT measure myself to another person.

Nor SHOULD I (or YOU) measure yourself to other peoples’ lifestyle and work ethic.

Rant aside, I have been doing pretty well. Could I be doing more? Sure. And I will use this event to push myself to do better. But I will not compare myself to others. Besides just being wrong, and not being helpful to my own mental and physical health. If you stop and think about it, there might be someone out there looking up to me. Here I am, complaining that I don’t get enough done. And yet there might be someone out there looking at my thousands of words per week, working at a job I love, running a podcast, gaming every week, and generally living a good life. And they might be berating themselves for not reaching my goals.

Writing Goals

So, yeah.

I was in the hospital for heart issues and I missed writing for the first half of the week. But because of the ER visit, my Podcast canceled our recording session this week. So, I spent that time writing. I will admit that I was not as fluid or fast as normal. Distracts got the better of me, but I forced myself to sit for longer and push.

I managed a 4000-word writing session and finished chapter 7. Sort of. The chapter was meant to go one way, but I sort of wandered off to the left of that idea and then came to a point where I decided to just stop the chapter.

The ending felt kind of blah. But at the same time, I felt like I was wandering around and over writing the scene.

Either way, the new third version, Manuscript 3.0, is just short of 40k.

I was planning on doing a long write session today (but with the death of my desktop, that might be an issue). We’ll see what happens.

The Week Ahead

Here’s the problem. I will be doing a LOT of Doctor’s appointments over the next couple weeks, I’m going away next weekend, and now my main computer is dead.

All excuses aside I WILL make my writing goals this week. It must happen. And I will make it happen. And I hope those of you reading also make it happen… whatever IT happens to be. If you’re a writer reading this: Make you Words! You can do it. Get ‘er done. And if you’re a student reading this: Hey you got this, weekly discussions, and your papers will be perfect. Let me know when you start your thesis.

Anyone else? Whatever you need to get done this week, you will get it done. And even if you don’t make your goal, as long as you make progress toward that goal you’re still doing alright.

Outro

I’m not going to talk about media consumption. I haven’t really watched much in the way of movies or TV this week. Other than Doom Patrol which is still the best comics-based TV show. I also don’t tend to watch what everyone else loves. Whatever is trending is probably NOT what I’m watching.

I’m keeping this short.

Be well, stay healthy, and let me hear from you sometime.